Don't ask, don't tell
by Aggie Deneys
Summary: Wally West/Flash asks a question. Linda Park-West answers. Dick Grayson/Nightwing deals with the fallout.


Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine.

Linda Park-West sighed. She was trying to hide her exasperation, but failing miserably. Her husband Wally, aka the Flash, aka the fastest man alive, was, as usual, completely oblivious of her growing frustration. She loved him with all her heart. There truly wasn't anything she wouldn't do for him. Yet there were times, now being the perfect example, he was completely and totally clueless. Worse, he was not only completely and totally clueless, he also had this innocent naivety that seemed impossible considering everything he saw and experienced as one of the world's superheroes. At times it was hard to imagine how he functioned in the world at large. Sadly, it wasn't an act. It was just who he was. A twenty-something still learning appropriate conversation topics. Well, she had known she had married a kid at heart. She could really only blame herself.

"Come on, who would it be?" His voice had started to whine a bit.

"Wally, why is this important?"

"Well, it's not, but I'm curious. If I died and you had to marry another superhero, who would it be?"

Yes, it was a conversation she knew she just couldn't win. Worse, when he got onto these little side conversations that seemed to have absolutely no bearing on the world – or on anything for that matter – nothing would deter him. He would continue to pester until he got whatever it was he wanted. She supposed she should be impressed by his determination, but at times it was frustrating, especially since she knew that whatever she said, he wouldn't be happy.

No matter how much he fooled himself into believing whatever she said wouldn't bother him, it would. She knew her husband. As soon as she said a name – any name – he would start obsessing. "If you died, no one could ever replace you."

"Well, no duh, I'm totally irreplaceable." The understatement of a lifetime, she thought dryly. "But I'm not asking who'd replace me, I just want to know who you would marry."

She fought the urge to rub her temples. "No one."

"Aw, come on, who would it be?"

"Wally, I just said you were irreplaceable. Why would I want to marry someone else?"

"I don't know, but come on, who?"

She silently counted to ten. Maybe if she turned the tables, that would get him to shut up and drop this idiotic conversation. "Who do you think I should marry?" To her dismay, he actually took the question to heart and seemed to ponder a correct answer.

"Kyle," he said after almost ten seconds, which in speedster world meant he had considered the question from every possible angle.

"Kyle. You honestly think Kyle and I would be good together." Kyle would be one of the last names on her list. He was a great guy. She was happy he and her husband had become friends, but the last of the Green Lanterns just really wasn't her type. She found him boring. While she knew he liked to have fun and could be fun, he was more of a follower. Wally himself wasn't leader material, but when it came to just every day things, he didn't hesitate to try new things, even if he would end up looking like an idiot. Even in those little things, Kyle seemed to hesitate a bit. Or maybe he just seemed to hesitate around her because he didn't know her well and didn't want to embarrass himself. If only some of Wally's other friends would have that same consideration.

"Sure, why not?"

Linda rolled her eyes. What did it say that her husband, a man she had known for several years, picked someone who would be a terrible match?

"Okay, you obviously have someone else in mind, who?"

She really didn't. She just knew it wouldn't be Kyle. "Wally, it doesn't matter."

"No, tell me."

"You won't be able to handle it."

"Sure I will. Promise."

"I know you. You'll freak out."

"I promise I won't."

She tried to ignore him, but he continued to pester her endlessly. Her patience finally ran out. "Fine, if you really want to know, it would be-"

* * *

><p>"And that's when she said it. That's when she ruined my world," Wally said miserably.<p>

Next to him, Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing, fought hard to keep the smile off his face. Wally was obviously upset. He knew that in Wally's mind this was a serious conversation. He knew Wally was looking for some sort of advice. Yet, this conversation was typical Wally. Wally had taken an ant hill – it truly didn't even meet mole standards – and turned it into Mount Everest. Worse, Dick hated to admit that he wanted – needed – to know who Linda had named. "Who?"

"Roy." The laughter burst out. He couldn't keep it inside. Seeing Wally's expression of outrage at his reaction, he laughed even harder, grabbing his side. Wally's frown deepened. "What's so funny about that? I mean, Roy! She said Roy! If I died, she'd marry Roy. Roy. Can you believe it? I mean…I just…how? Why? What would ever make her pick Roy? He's rude, obvious, loud... He's a skirt chaser. He's-"

"Loyal, caring, someone who'll always be there whenever you need him, no questions asked," Dick noted, feeling the absurd need to defend their friend. He discreetly wiped away a tear that had formed. It usually never failed that Wally could make him laugh. This time, though, was proving to be one of those priceless moments. "Why did you ever ask her if you didn't want to know?"

The speedster shrugged. "I don't know. I was bored." Boredom, a curse of being a speedster. It had gotten Wally into more than one mess over the years. "The question just sort of popped into my mind and then I couldn't stop thinking about it. I mean, don't you wonder about who might interest Babs?"

The smile quickly disappeared. "No." They were not going to go down that road. No way was he going to speculate as to whom might interest Babs.

Wally cocked an eyebrow, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "Hey, that's right, it'd be Ted." Dick fought to keep a neutral expression on his face. How could it be that Wally usually forgot important discussions, yet somehow managed to remember the most trivial of information? "Heh, Oracle and the Blue Beetle. Suppose they both have the geek thing going for them." Dick openly glared. "Oh…I…um, I mean Beetle has the geek thing going. Babs is totally not a geek. I'm mean she's just a really, really, hot babe." Dick's glare intensified. Wally's nervousness grew. "Not that I really notice or anything," Wally quickly added. "Linda. She's my world. Never see or notice any other women. Only Linda all the time."

"It wouldn't be Ted," he answered tightly. Never. Not over his dead body…which Wally would argue was the point of this conversation. Damn it. How did he let himself get dragged into these conversations. He pushed the image of Babs and Kord from his mind. Never.

"So, if not Ted, who?"

Dick pinched the bridge of his nose. How could he go from laughing so hard his side hurt to feeling the start of a headache? Yet another risk of spending time with a certain speedster. "Wally, why is this important?" Wally shrugged. Dick sighed. Having spent way too much time with the speedster over the years, Dick knew Wally was waiting for him to answer the question. He refused. There was no way he was going to speculate who Babs might marry if he died. Why should he? He and Babs weren't married. They weren't even engaged. He turned the conversation back to Wally. "So, who do you think Linda should marry?"

"Why do you think that I-"

"Because I know you." If Wally was speculating, it usually meant he had created an idealized image in his mind. Dick wasn't disappointed.

"Fine. Kyle."

"Kyle? As in Kyle Rayner?" Wally nodded. Dick shook his head. "Never happen."

Wally frowned. "What's wrong with Kyle? Linda said the same thing."

"You actually told Linda that you'd pair her with Kyle?"

"She asked," Wally answered, as if that explained everything.

"He's really not her type."

"Like Roy is?"

Dick paused, searching his mind for a way to make Wally understand, and desperately hoping it would also end this dialogue. At least Roy wasn't here. "Kyle is a great guy. He's come a long way since he first got the ring. But Kyle's…" Tact. He had to be tactful. "Kyle's a follower, not a leader. He's not one to challenge things. He'll complain, but he won't necessarily try to change it. Linda needs someone who would challenge her, and Kyle definitely isn't that person."

"You really think so?"

"Yes."

"So…maybe that's why she chose Roy."

"Could be."

"Then why would she marry me? I mean, what do Roy and I have in common? How you described Kyle, I know that's close to me."

"Wally," Dick started and quickly paused. He took a deep breath. He needed to get this right because the conversation had taken yet another turn and the waters were quickly becoming dangerous. "Wal, Linda loves you. For some strange reason, that woman – God bless her – willingly agreed to put up with your quirks and insecurities for the rest of her life. She is your lightning rod. And as good as she is for you, you are just as good for her. As strange as it sounds, you made her slow down. You made her see the world from a different perspective." Okay, he didn't really know Linda that well, but he figured that description was generic enough to work, because in a way, it's how he would describe his own friendship with Wally. They were an unlikely pair, at least on the surface. Yet, he would never try to place a value on his friendship with Wally because it was truly invaluable. He couldn't imagine life without Wally.

Wally smiled, a look of contentment on his face. "Yeah, you're right. She's my lightning rod." Dick breathed a small sigh of relief. The storm appeared to have passed. A few seconds of silence passed. "So, if not Ted, who?"

Dick swatted him across the back of his head. Wally just laughed.

* * *

><p>Linda glanced up briefly as Wally returned to their apartment. He had disappeared to Bludhaven, no doubt hoping to find Dick. As soon as she had said Roy, a wall had come slamming down. Just as she had predicted, Wally really hadn't wanted to know, he had just deluded himself into thinking he wanted to know. She supposed she should have just agreed with his suggestion of Kyle, but Kyle…well, Kyle was a really sweet man, but he would drive her insane…even more than her current husband drove her insane at times.<p>

Wally smiled as he sat down next to her. She took the smile as a good sign. Hopefully he had found Dick and Dick was able to talk some sense into him. One day she would have to get Dick's number so she could warn him before a distraught speedster showed up on his doorstep…or maybe even seek out his advice for dealing with her husband. Maybe between the two of them, they could create a speedster survival guide because Wally seemed to create situations that neither Joan nor Iris had ever encountered. It was never a good sign when she turned to them for advice and only saw sympathy in their eyes. Instead, it simply proved she was headed into uncharted territory and to use extreme caution.

Linda placed her notes on the coffee table. "Did you see Dick?"

"Yeah."

"How is he?"

"Good. He reminded me once again not to ask questions if I don't really want to know the answers."

"Good advice." Yes, it was a continual problem. Obviously she wasn't the only one who had to deal with it.

"Yeah…but I just…Roy? Why Roy?"

Linda sighed. Okay, choosing Roy was proving to be a really bad choice, but was there really a good one? Dick? No. Linda didn't even want to think of the potential implications of that choice. Garth. Definitely no. Ditto for Vic and Gar. After them, the potential pickings became a lot slimmer. She had thought picking someone Wally's age would have been good. Besides, she could readily imagine how badly he would have flipped out if she had said Bruce or Ollie. Then again, with those two he would have known she was joking. With Roy, he thought she was serious. "Can't we just drop this?"

"I…yeah, we should, but I just…help me understand. Why Roy?"

Sadly, she understood why he wouldn't drop the issue. He couldn't move on until he wrapped his mind around this topic and marked it closed. "Besides Kyle, is there someone else you want me to say?"

"I…no…I…I don't know. I mean…I don't know who I really expected you to say. I just…"

Finally, he was being honest. She took his hand in hers. "Okay, Roy." Why had she said Roy? In all honesty, it was the first name that popped into her mind. Besides, she had known it would drive Wally crazy. Did she admit that? Or did she spin some tale? Well, truth always seemed to be the best avenue. Might as well try it. "There's no reason except that I found your question annoying. Worse, you wouldn't drop it, so I just said the last name you probably expected me to say."

"Really? I mean, you don't really picture yourself with him?"

Linda smiled. "No. I would kill him in under an hour. He's rude, crude and obnoxious. I know he's your friend. I know you two have this long history. You understand him. I don't and don't want to."

Wally returned the smile. "Dick thought it was maybe because he would challenge you."

"Well, he would definitely do that, but it would quickly grow old."

"So, I don't need to become rude and politically incorrect?"

"No. But there is one more reason Roy's name probably popped into my mind."

"Oh? What?"

She smiled. "I do seem to have a thing for redheads."


End file.
